Huh... a knife.
If by chance you are feeling good about the prospects for survival of the human race, and us by-God Amurricans first among them, as a corrective I recommend you go read this article about teaching high school students Shakespeare in translation. To English.
[wik] But just think of the fun you can have!
Old and busted: "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."
New hotness: "Bitches, man."
Old and busted: "Cry havoc.... and let slip the dogs of war!"
New hotness: "Let's get it on!"
Old and busted: "Hoist on his own petard."
New hotness: "D'oh!"
Old and busted: "To be, or not to be. That is the question."
New hotness: "I hurt myself today / To see if I still feel./ I focus on the pain / It's the only thing that's real."
Old and busted:
"Hear him but reason in divinity,
And all-admiring with an inward wish
You would desire the king were made a prelate:
Hear him debate of commonwealth affairs,
You would say it hath been all in all his study:
List his discourse of war, and you shall hear
A fearful battle render'd you in music:
Turn him to any cause of policy,
The Gordian knot of it he will unloose,
Familiar as his garter: that, when he speaks,
The air, a charter'd libertine, is still,
And the mute wonder lurketh in men's ears,
To steal his sweet and honey'd sentences;
So that the art and practic part of life
Must be the mistress to this theoric:
Which is a wonder how his grace should glean it,
Since his addiction was to courses vain,
His companies unletter'd, rude and shallow,
His hours fill'd up with riots, banquets, sports,
And never noted in him any study,
Any retirement, any sequestration
From open haunts and popularity.
New hotness: ".... um... is something else on?"
on
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