perfidy

By way of TL Hines, Writer, we hear of a practical joke of quite monstrous proportions. Yahoo Entertainment News reports that a disgruntled Japanese Tourism Official, known only as M.L. Tanaka has painstakingly created a faux Japanese-English phrase book that gives dangerously incorrect English translations of common phrases.

Among the nearly 2300 incidents reported to the Japanese Embassy:

• A 29-year-old Tokyo man visiting San Francisco for the first time meant to ask a female store clerk, "May I please have film for my camera?" But what he actually said was, "Would you place your copious breasts in my mouth?" He was slapped in the face, then got tossed out by the manager.
• Four family members from Osaka were thrilled see their favorite American singer coming out of a ritzy store in Beverly Hills. While waving frantically, they shouted out what they believed to be, "We love you so much." Unfortunately, what they really said was, "We're here to take your head." The four were arrested and detained for six hours by police.
• A 45-year-old tourist from Okinawa looking for the legendary Apollo Theater in Harlem thought he was asking a group of young men, "I am lost. Which way is uptown?" In reality, he said, "I know martial arts. May I kick your ass?" He was chased five blocks before being rescued by police.

Five blocks. In Harlem.

"The man who compiled this dictionary clearly went out of his way to wreak havoc," says New York hotel concierge Jacqueline Porseman, who arranges tours for many VIP guests from Japan. No kidding. Be kind to the next Japanese tourist who respectfully asks to kick your ass, for he knows not what he does.

The Ministry of Minor Perfidy is tickled to announce (and we are rarely, if ever tickled, so pay attention) that we have enhanced the functionality of the Ministry's blog post format. Though we first demanded politely, in the end we were forced to brutally torture hundreds of HTML gnomes to pry from their greedy minds the occult knowledge required to effect these marvelous changes. As you are all aware, the Ministry is more than willing to sacrifice the blood of others to bring you the high quality service you have become accustomed to. Let this be a warning to all.

To describe, rather to sum up the changes to the bottom of each post:

• The clumsy "profile" link has been terminated, and its broken body thrown to the pigs.
• What little functionality the profile link once had has been granted to the author link, which previously could only create another instance of the blog.
• The category name has been enhanced with a link to the relevant category page.
• The trackbacks link has been added.
• Several '|' symbols were added, because they are awful nifty.
• All of the text in the bottom is now either marked as a hyperlink, or is in the paler grey typeface, so it all matches.
• There was some general rearrangement for aesthetics and proper Feng shui.

Allow the warm glow of satisfaction to permeate your pathetic souls as you revel in the knowledge that the Ministry is continuing its relentless quest to provide you with the highest quality blogging experience no money can buy.

... and pretty soon you're talking real money. Before we have all the details on the President's bold plan for space exploration I'd like to make one comment about the objections that are already being raised.

One billion dollars. It sounds a lot like Dr. Evil if you say it right. But spread over five years, this is chump change to the federal government. In this article, Stephen Moore of the very conservative Club for Growth (and someone whose economic thinking I generally admire) says that the new program is a "total fiscal absurdity."

Well, I call bullshit. If the liberals and old people can have $400 billion for drugs, well I want a goddamn flag on Mars for .25% of the money needed to keep grandpa in viagra.

It is all well and good to provide for the needs of our citizenry, and to build bombs to smite those that offend us. But we can spend a little (relatively speaking) to do something that merely expands the horizons of our knowledge, inspires us with pride in accomplishing something truly unprecedented, and lays the groundwork for our grandchildren's exploration of a boundless frontier.

Screw you, penny pinchers.

[wik] Of course, there are also very real benefits. There are the nifty technological spin offs. There is the pleasing thought that this will maintain our strategic dominance of space in the face of possible Chinese or even European interference. Also, it keeps us at the cutting edge, and assures that all the smart people will keep coming here to work with the smart people already here, and keep us on top. And don't forget, condos on Mars will piss off the environmental wackos no end!

[alsø wik] Johno comments,

"But I'm a sentimental man and place a LOT of stock in grand historic gestures of combined human enterprise. We can either embrace the stars, or turn our backs on them. It's this dicking around in low-earth-orbit with expensive and delicate experimental machinery that I can't freaking stand. "

Too true. As I commented over at Insults Unpunished, the space station and shuttle were entirely useless unless there was a large goal, or at least enterprise in space. Its like building a billion dollar greyhound bus to travel back and forth to a four billion dollar bus station in the middle of Death Valley. Unless we go to the moon or planets or asteroids, or actually create a "there" in orbit ourselves, neither of these expensive technological gimcracks have any purpose or utility.

People who favor robotic exploration go on and on about scientific bang for taxpayer buck, blah blah blah; but they can never answer the question, "well can your robot plant a fucking flag on Mars, and feel the exhilaration that every man on Earth can identify with?" The answer is no. Grand Guestures are expensive, but they are grand; and no penny pinching, cost cutting bureaucrat will ever get them for us.

According to The NY Times the President is getting ready to unveil a $1.5 billion initiative to promote healthy marriages. Straight marriages.

Here's an excerpt:

For months, administration officials have worked with conservative groups on the proposal, which would provide at least $1.5 billion for training to help couples develop interpersonal skills that sustain "healthy marriages."

The officials said they believed that the measure was especially timely because they were facing pressure from conservatives eager to see the federal government defend traditional marriage, after a decision by the highest court in Massachusetts. The court ruled in November that gay couples had a right to marry under the state's Constitution.

"This is a way for the president to address the concerns of conservatives and to solidify his conservative base," a presidential adviser said.

Now, let's play that one again!

For months, administration officials have worked with smurf groups on the proposal, which would provide at least $1.5 billion for training to help couples develop interpersonal skills that sustain "healthy marriages."

The officials said they believed that the measure was especially timely because they were facing pressure from smurfs eager to see the federal government defend traditional marriage, after a decision by the highest court in Massachusetts. The court ruled in November that gay couples had a right to marry under the state's Constitution.

"This is a way for the president to address the concerns of smurfs and to solidify his smurf base," a presidential adviser said.

Just what the hell is so smurf about spending more than a billion dollars on Federally-subsidized marriage counselling? Furthermore, what the hell does smurf even mean any more? Does it mean a) morally rigid along value-lines received from Christian teachings, b) fiscally minimalist and prudent, or c) anything and everything to all people?

How can you spend money (even a trickle) on a program like this, which deigns to get involved in people's private lives, and call it conservative?

I don't get this. Oh, wait-- sorry-- I do get this. It's an election year and the President has to pander once again to the Christian Right by spending federal money telling poor people not to break up and gay people not to get together. Aside from being very close to incoherent on an actual policy level, every step like this drives even lower the likelihood that people like me, the socially liberal fiscal conservatices, will vote to re-elect him.

[wik] A final note. "Poor" people tend to fight about money. The fix for that? I dunno... maybe something to do with money, a living wage, federal state and local tax/fee structures, that kind of thing. Maybe even a crash course in elementary family budgeting and retirement investment. But what do you want to bet that won't be the focus of this shiny new Federal program?

[alsø wik] One more thing. Spending federal money on fixing marriage at this point strikes me as closing the barn door after the horse has escaped, gone to town, gotten drunk, and been discovered taking candid photos in flagrante delicto with six hot fillies.

[alsø alsø wik] Ever the wag, Matthew Yglesias observes "[t]here should be bipartisan appeal since funding and implementing the program would involve putting the government in your bedroom and your pocketbook -- what's not to like?"

Minister Buckethead offered below a link to the 50 most unappreciated films of recent years. At the risk of giving everything away, I want to throw my endorsement behind their well considered and totally deserving number-one choice, The Iron Giant.

The ending makes me cry every single time I see it, which is somewhere in the neighborhood of twenty and counting. Just a perfect, perfect film, and one of my all-time top five favorites. I like it better than The Godfather sometimes.

Steve, over at Begging to Differ, reports on a pretty good idea: Creating an Iraqi Oil Trust and giving shares in the trust to all Iraqi citizens. This would resemble the Alaskan Oil Trust, where all state oil revenues are pooled, and then dividends paid to Alaska residents. The difference here would be that the shares could be bought and sold, so that Iraqis would in effect have ownership of the oil, and would have more freedom do decide what to do with their shares - sell them, keep them, whatever.

This is a good idea on several levels. One, it gives the Iraqi people on an individual level, a stake in the country's wealth and future. Two, it gives them a clear title on a source of wealth that they can use as they see fit. Three, it would remove or at least mitigate one of the major sources of corruption in resource rich third world ountries - government control of vast wealth. I approve heartily, and this could be something that materially assists the formation of a civil and democratic soceity in Iraq.

Also on that estimable webpage, is a post by Greg linking to and commenting on a list of the fifty most underrated recent movies. This is an interesting list, and as I informed Greg, I have seen 36 of them, and actually own 15 of those. The remaining 14 will give me a goal, now that I can no longer easily go over to the multiplex thanks to the arrival of Sir John-the-can't-be-quiet-in-a-movie-theater. I have seen one, one movie in the last eight months. I used to see at least one a fortnight. Go over and see my additions to the list.

Dean rants a bit about how the Left in this country wouldn't be satisfied if we found thousands of tons of Anthrax. Apparently the discovery of a few old shells with mustard gas in them satisfies him, in terms of "going to war 'cause of WMDs".

Do five seconds of research on the internet on Mustard Gas, and you discover that it isn't a weapon of mass destruction. With a lethality level of around 1% on the battlefield, it just doesn't fit the bill. Of course, if you're a Bush apologist who wants to make a little hay, you pretend it's a WMD.

Whatever.

If Bush had gone in and found those ten thousands tons, he'd have been vindicated. Most of the thinking left would have supported his action. But it didn't happen that way. Exactly where should the Buck Stop?

Not Fooling Anybody, recommended by the inestimable Lileks, is an amusing compendium of places that have been awkwardly and none to subtly transformed. While the site seems to have entirely missed the pervasive, "Hey that used to be a Red Barn" phenomenon that you so often get in Ohio, they did have this comment to make about my lovely home state: 

CREATIVE INTERPRETATION: Convenient adaptation of drive-thru for alcohol purposes; very Ohio  

which is of course, at the bottom of the ocean.

Go here, and be appalled. I won't actually put this on my webpage. But when some people complain that certain other people are questioning their patriotism, then this might be the reason why.

Michael Totten has an interesting post up concerning a marked trend among Democratic presidential candidates: pandering to the left. As a conservative and relatively staunch Republican, I have been dismayed at the complete lack of potential in the Dem candidates. Dennis Miller said a while back that he hadn't seen a starting nine like this since the '62 Mets. (Interestingly, according to this statistical analysis, the '62 Mets are only the fifth worst team in history. Surprisingly, the Indians do not appear in the bottom 30. Surprisingly, the '54 and '95 Indians are ranked 8th and 9th even though they lost the World Series, and the '48 Indians who did win the series are only ranked 25th. Go Tribe!)

Wesley Clark is a non candidate in every respect save one - he is actually running for president. He made the incredibly bold statement that if he were president, we'd all be safe from terrorism. His focus on internationalism will deter Muslim fundamentalists from attacking us. This must make the French feel better, at least someone thinks that listening to them will actually enhance security.

A good friend of mine in the military told me that Clark is not highly regarded by those in uniform. They give him good marks for bravery back in Vietnam, and apparently he is a good planner. But as for leadership and character, he is held in very low esteem indeed. It is significant that not one retired admiral or general has endorsed him, and many have launched some rather nasty broadsides. (Still serving officers are not allowed to endorse candidates.)

Clark has no real agenda that I can detect, aside from wanting to be president. This is why it is very easy for him to listen to his minders and spinners, and take the leftward steps to try to get momentum in the early running. However, nothing that he is saying now gives us any clue as to what he thinks, and all of it will assuredly be held against him by Rove should he actually get the nomination.

Lieberman is the only Democrat that has a chance in the election - considering that polls indicate that national security is still very important to the public, and that the public supports by a wide margin the invasion and occupation of Iraq. No Democrat has any serious credibility on national security, least of all Dean; but Lieberman has absolutely no chance of getting the presidential nomination. Barring catastrophe, Bush will win by a large margin come November.

[wik]I worry that the Democrats are imploding, and imploding in a significantly more serious way than parties do from time to time. All of the rhetoric that we are hearing, with the partial exception of Lieberman, is aimed at the left half of the democratic party. Like Totten says, this is going to scare the middle toward the right. And Bush is doing nothing to alienate the middle - and although this irritates the conservative core, very few (like spoons) are going to withhold their votes from Bush come November. This is a recipe for a blowout.

However, the problem for me as a conservative is that without a healthy Democratic party that takes things like national defense and the opinion of the middle of the country seriously, there is nothing to keep the Republicans on their toes. They have not been called the stupid party for nothing - only lately the Democrats have been even more stupid. A weak opposition leads to prescription drug benefits and many other things that piss me off, and decided spoons to look for someone else to vote for. (No word yet on who he's chosen, though.)